hello people, this post is kind of off the back of a blogging high so I don't necessarily have a clear direction today, I just want to talk.
something I wanted to talk about is the song "pretend" by aex g. I will start this off with a trigger warning about self harm and suicidal ideation. butttt, I was listening to this song, probably for the 5th or 6th time, not including how many times I heard it online, I say all of this to say that this wasn't a new listen for me but something clicked about the lyrics this time. I will show the lyrics now.
Gonna crack a rib when I get home
I'm gonna bury you in my favorite hole
I made a bloody mess in the kitchen sink
I tried to fix myself but I didn't think
I heard this at work and it instantly clicked that these lyrics were about self harm, or at least that's how I interpreted it, and it's just stuck with me ever since. I think that first line is just so relatable and I'll say why. I have struggled with self harm in the past as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings of guilt and or shame. and when I was struggling with this, I'd often be around others and start to feel bad about something that has happened and instead of dealing with these emotions head on, I would take solace in planning on self harming when I get home. like its my little treat I get to go back to, like I'm more comfortable with it than my friends in those moments. so I just think the use of "when I get home" is so poignant and relatable for those who struggle with sh. because you're already thinking about how you're gonna punish yourself when you get home for the moment that you are still in.
"I made a mess", "I tried to fix myself but I didn't think" phew is that relatable. how brutal to try and fix your emotions from the outside in, and hoping you can beat and mould yourself into a better version of yourself by sheer force alone. yikes.
honestly that's all I really had to say about that and just wanted to get my ideas about the lyrics off my chest because that song has really affected me and been stuck with me since that moment I listened to it.
thank you for reading.