hey everybody, today I want to talk about how it feels getting older (I know I'm still young but I'm almost in my 20s!) and what I felt like on my actual birthday and how I'm feeling a month after. This post is quite brief because I actually had a better day than I expected, I thought I was going to write this essay on beauty standards of women and the expectation to not age and how it feels excruciating for your life to pass by you every year because you're losing your youth, which is the only important thing about you apparently. However, actually writing this a month later, I don't feel those feelings, I know a lot of it is true but I feel like you have to pick your battles and I don't want to have something as fickle as that be looming over me. So this post is relatively lighthearted and chill :)
- turning 19
When I turned 17 I felt old but I was safe, I wasn't legally an adult yet. Then turning 18 felt scary because now I'm a legal adult and no one cares to protect me anymore. But since it's been a year I've matured a lot and know I should be grateful each year for getting older.
In this life you have three options: die at your current age, stay your current age forever, age like a normal person
Out of these three options I'd most want to age like a normal person. I'd rather not be 19 forever or even look 19 forever because that's so vain, I don't even look mature yet. My greater point being, its a blessing to age and even if I lose my "youthful" look in 10 years or so, that's the way the world works. I look forward to learning more about myself every year and who would I be to want the good of aging (gaining wisdom) and not have a body that reflects that.
- birthday pressure
In my opinion, there is a lot of pressure on your birthday to have the best day ever and to have a million people wishing you happy birthday and just being so booked and busy, my birthday wasn't like that. I didn't message or remind anyone to do anything for my birthday because I didn't feel very close to a lot of them so I didn't want them to feel bad for me because I didn't have anyone better to hangout with. This led to a lot of people forgetting it was my birthday and was honestly probably self sabotage, don't recommend. - So what I actually did on my birthday...
I got ready for the day, went to Asda and bought a bunch of snacks, then got McDonalds , walked back home in the rain and chilled. My friend asked to meet up, and we just walked around town for a while, I got a free Krispy Kreme birthday donut and called it a day. I know it sounds boring but I thought it was a good day, I didn't cry or feel sad at all, I was very content the whole time. A week or so after my actual birthday my friend invited me out to dinner and I had a great time then too and honestly had the best few weeks after that so overall I'd say that I had a good 19th birthday and wouldn't change a thing.
That's all I've got guys so thank you for reading. My last piece of advice if you're having the birthday blues, is to just remember that your life is your own. It doesn't need to look good and be this amazing movie sequence of the best night of your life, this isn't Saltburn. If a good birthday for you is one alone then do that and don't feel inadequate for it. if you only have one friend, be grateful that you have that friend and try to make it the best day with that friend, even if its not a party. Hopefully we will have many birthdays and you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good. I hope anyone reading has a good day :)