Hi guys, I'm feeling a little sentimental because it's been a year since I've started this blog so I want to write today about how I've felt having this blog for a year, things I've learned/regret, and maybe just an update of where my life is now... and how I'm feeling. if you're interested, read on!
the start
I honestly can not remember who/where I got the idea to start a blog from, it's still very random and part of me thinks I'm before my time honestly because there will probably be a resurgence of blogging in a year or two in a Tumblr way, I'm calling it. When I started it was summer, I was bored, lonely and wanted a creative outlet to have since I was so addicted to my phone (still am btw). I am so happy and proud of myself for starting and not giving up because I genuinely have so much fun with these posts and feel like im in my little safe hiding place.
A couple of months in I created an instagram page to bring attention to the blog and to hopefully get some actual readers, spoiler alert it didn't work. I think 2 people only ever ventured to read my blog and when they did, I hated it. I thought wanted to blow up, someone to post a TikTok saying "omg I found this amazing blog that everyone should read", and become this phenomenon (or something) because I believed my blog was great and that other people my age would enjoy it. But reflecting on that now, I don't need other people to read this and enjoy it, I think I just wanted validation at the time and other people to know I'm doing something cool. Now I just enjoy how good the blog looks and the fun I'm having, without feeling like a failure because I still have no readers, even though I write like I do haha.
things I love
By now I have found a colour palette that I love so much and don't feel the need to change every few weeks, I feel like it's so aesthetically pleasing and I am very content with it. There is definitely still room for improvement to make things run even smoother, but it takes time and I have done well so far. I will also say that I've probably spent hundreds of hours on this blog and that's literally crazy to me. All of the formatting/design things take so long to do and there are so many bases to cover but honestly I think that's my favourite part about having a blog (the creative freedom) so I love it nonetheless. I also think my writing has gotten much better - especially since I wrote some of the early posts with chat gpt originally... like wtf I don't know why I wanted AI generated posts on my page.
rooms for improvement
I think I need to learn my boundaries with the blog to be honest. Sometimes I get very vulnerable with the things I share and it's okay because no one else reads it but yk I am posting this on the internet and maybe there are some things I should keep to myself since it's quite accessible. My intention with this blog is to be anonymous and I think I will keep it that way forever, so maybe that gives me more space to overshare, idk? That is something I will probably understand more in the future so we will see what happens.
the past year
I feel like I am in a completely different but also the exact same place as last year. I am going to Uni in September again, don't have many friends again (or still haha) and am still online all the time. The year didn't go how I dreamt, I hoped Uni would've been more fun and that I would have made more friends, it was honestly a very tough time for me. I didn't expect to drop out but I also am not surprised at all that I did. It's hard for me to shut down the voice that says "of course you didn't have a good time at uni and make friends, you're you" because I know those thoughts aren't right and I don't believe I attract/deserve bad things and a monotonous life. I have many blog posts about the major feelings and moments for me this year so if you're interested feel free to read those. But my outlook is more realistic this time around and I'm okay with that, I am just learning to accept myself without outsourcing my validation from others. For future me: I hope this next year goes well and no matter what happens, you don't lose the love you have within yourself because I know that you love yourself and attract good things, you just have to wait for the right moment!
That's it guys, thank you so much for reading and I hope your next year is beautiful and you get everything you're manifesting. Love you lots :)